SAN MARCOS — Some find jobs, some sell old clothes, some pawn jewelry, and some find daddies…sugar daddies. Sugar dating has become less and less taboo over the last few years, slowly making its way into the mainstream. However, it is still a lifestyle many people don't understand.
For those who are unaware, a sugar baby/sugar daddy relationship is a mutually acknowledged agreement between a sugar baby — who is looking for someone to help them out financially or give them "gifts" like luxury items or expensive dinners — and a sugar daddy, or mommy, who is usually older and fairly wealthy and pays for these gifts and financial help in exchange for time and often times intimacy.
Grace, 21, has been a sugar baby for four years and often times prefers to find her sugar daddies in person opposed to online. At 18-years-old, she moved to Los Angeles by herself and was living in her car for two weeks before meeting a very successful real estate agent. She met him out one night, went home with him and was open about the fact that she was looking for someone to help her out.
"I told him my story and where I was living and the next thing I knew I was getting $3,000 deposited into my bank account to find an apartment. I didn't know what I was in for honestly."
Most sugar relationships are meant to be short term and it is uncommon for one to end in marriage. According to sugarbabiesonline.com, 87% of relationships are short-term, where each person seeks mutual benefits. Those who are unaware of the sugar lifestyle claim and believe that there is a fine line between being a sugar baby and being a prostitute.
Normally, a prostitute and client have nothing more than a one-time transactional relationship where the likelihood of romance or a deep connection is unlikely. Whereas a sugar baby usually builds some sort of personal relationship with their sugar daddy — making it not so much a transaction, but a service that both parties benefit from. Sugar babies like to call their end of the bargain "being spoiled." They are being spoiled with nice dinners, items, and yes, lots of the time money.
"Yes, it does have its similarities, but it is much different than prostitution because we aren't having sex one time for money, I can't stress this enough. Sometimes they just want to get dinner, buy you something nice or be seen in public with a younger woman; sex isn't always involved," said Grace. "I'm not going to sit here and say you'll never have to have sex with them, because if you do want a lot of money or if you do want that fancy purse or whatever you're seeking, they will most likely expect you to sleep with them — it's part of the deal."
Along with many other experienced sugar babies, Grace has had four different sugar daddies since her first encounter and rarely dates men her age, saying she "doesn't see the point in having to deal with their immature bullshit" and "getting nothing in return for the time and effort I put in, they just don't appreciate it."
"The other day I hooked up with this guy from Bumble who I had never met, and it was so terrible I couldn't wait for it to end, and I got nothing out of it," said Grace. "So yeah, I would much rather have sex with someone who is older and more experienced who is going to shower me in gifts and financial help while also making me feel pretty and appreciated afterwards."
Sugar babies often seek what's called an "allowance" — a desired sum of money given out weekly or monthly for the time they spend together. Asking for an allowance can be tricky, even if it isn't your first time, and many women are often unsure about what is acceptable to ask for.
"To me it's not really about what you want but what you need plus a little extra," said Grace. "Take your monthly expenses and multiply it by two. So, if you spend $1,500 a month on rent and other bills, then ask for $3,000 — but then you have to remember that you need to look like $3,000. You need to be upkept, nails, hair, clothes, etc., it takes a lot more work than people expect."
Although it is becoming less and less taboo, some women still feel ashamed or awkward being seen with a much older man; wondering what other people are thinking of them and watching the eyes of judgment following a young, pretty woman draped around a much older man.
"It's a bit strange to be out in public with an older man. I'm always nervous I'm going to see someone I know, and they are going to judge me. I mean I'm a 23-year-old woman out with a man that looks like he could be my father," said Angie, who is new to the sugar lifestyle, having been a member of SeekingArrangements for only 2 months. "Most people look at you in surprise and some look at you in disgust and confusion, it's definitely something I'll have to get used to."
According to today.yougov.com, in 2017, nearly 3.25 million Americans joined the website SeekingArrangements in hopes to find their perfect sugar daddy, sugar mommy or sugar baby.
SeekingArrangements has become the most popular way to meet a future suitor. The website displays information like a "daddy's" yearly income, net worth, relationship status and seeking qualities. Men who use SeekingArrangements must be approved before having access to a profile; approval is based off the amount of money he makes or the job he has. Most of the men have net worths ranging from $500,000 to sometimes $10 million dollars.
"I usually don't bother if their net worth is under a million, to me it's just not worth it. They most likely can't provide me with what I'm expecting," said Stacy, 21, who's been using the website for almost a year.
It's not uncommon to see a married man looking for a young woman to spend some of his free time with, who isn't his wife.
"Yesterday I had to wait for this guy to drive to the grocery store in order to facetime me. He's married, like super, super married," said Stacy. "This sounds shitty but men are scumbags sometimes, if they are going to cheat, they are going to cheat, whether it's with a sugar baby or not. It's their choice and their money and what they do with it is up to them I guess, just don't tell me about your wife and I don't care."
Grace however, prefers men who are not married because she enjoys relationships that are more attentive and men who are willing to spend more time with her than the average baby. She prefers deeper relationships that are still considered 'no-strings attached', saying she has received more gifts and a better outcome from those type of relationships.
"I was car-less for a while after I totaled my Chevy, and I had been consistently seeing this guy on and off for a while, almost a year, who would spoil me a lot; he's the one who put the down payment on my Camry out there," she said. "I just haven't had that sort of financial help from the guys I go out with two or three times."
The sugar dating lifestyle is something that more and more women are turning to in order to pay for expenses, receive the luxury lifestyle they desire or just feel more confident in their sexuality. It's a way of life for some women and a side job for others — but either way sugar babies are encouraged to call the shots and set the rules which some say is a huge step in the right direction for women.